


Brave Enough

by SongsofPsyche



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: American Sign Language, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crossword Puzzles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern AU, Muteness, New Orleans, chef
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-05-20 22:04:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14902908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongsofPsyche/pseuds/SongsofPsyche
Summary: Modern AU/Fili/KiliAfter a devastating accident, Kili was forced back to his hometown and to move back in with his parents. He never expected to heal, let alone fall in love again.Then, he met Fili.





	1. Chapter 1

“You’re going on a date on Friday night.”

 

I looked up at my mother from the book I was reading. I was quietly tucked away in my reading nook, a place where I knew no one would bother me, but I guess mothers really do know everything.

 

“What?” I asked

 

“A date. Friday night.” She said

 

“With who?”

 

“Finley.” She said, and then she smiled like this was the best idea she had in a century.

 

I raised my eyebrows at her, “Finley who?”

 

“My friend Elaine’s son. We went out for coffee today and thought you two would be perfect for each other.”

 

“Mom, thanks for the offer but I don’t think I can date anyone right now,” I said

 

“Honey, it’s been three months, you need to get yourself back out there.”

 

“Three months since what? Three months since the funeral? Three months since I finally started feeling like a human being again?” I said

 

“Your father and I just think its time. You can’t spend the rest of your life drowning away in sorrow up here.”

 

“I’m not drowning away in sorrows----.”

 

“And we have decided that you need just a little push.”

 

“I don’t need---.”

 

“Just go on the date, Kee. If you hate him you’ll never have to see him again. But just try, for me?”

 

I sighed, and then looked up from my book. She really did mean well.

 

“Okay, mom, one date with this guy and that’s it and after this date; no more badgering. You promise?” I said

 

She smiled, “It’s a deal.”

 

 

I didn’t really think much about my blind date, once the week started and I was back at work at the French Quarter Daily headquarters. I was a writer….or at least I wanted to be a writer. After everything that had happened, I was given some time off. When I came back, they had put me in charge of creating the weekly crossword puzzle, and when that was out of the way they made me write little fluffy pieces about cats rescued from trees or long lost lovers united over a beignet. What I really wanted to do was finish writing my novel, but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. It was on permanent hiatus.

 

So there I was, working away at the next week’s crossword puzzle when I heard a light knock on my office. I looked up to see two men that I had never met before smiling at me.

 

“Hi, are you Kieran?” the first one asked.

 

I nodded my head, “Yes, but nobody calls me Kieran except for the people summoning me to jury duty. You can call me Kee.”

 

 

“Hi Kee. May we come in?” the first one, who was tall and blonde with bright blue eyes.

 

“Sorry to drop by unannounced, but this is our only lunch break. Then we have to go out in the Bayou and report about some self-flushing toilet swamp.” Said the second one, who was shorter and thinner.

 

I smiled uncertainly. I wasn’t used to having people in my office.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Let me introduce ourselves. My name is Bilbo, and this is Ori. We work at NON, we’re reporters.” The blonde man—Bilbo-- started

 

“And also friends of Finley---Fili,” Ori answered.

 

“Finley?” I asked lost for a moment, and then I remembered my promise to my mother.

 

“Oh. Blind Date Finley....er Fili.” I said

 

“Yes.”

 

“Blind Date Fili. Exactly.”

 

“We just wanted to talk to you about him. May we come in and sit?” Bilbo asked

 

“Sure” but I was still a little uncertain.

 

They came inside and sat down.

 

“So you write the crossword puzzle?” Ori asked

 

I nodded my head.

 

“Interesting.”

 

“So. Fili. We wanted to come to talk to you about Fili.” Bilbo said seriously.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Fili is….a very close friend and I—we—would hate to see him hurt---.”

 

“He’s gone through so much in the past year, we just wanted to make sure you knew what to expect.”

 

“So nothing unexpected will happen on Friday.”

 

I nodded my head, “Okay.”

 

“SO where to start……” Bilbo started

 

“The beginning?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Fili was married right out of college,” Bilbo said

 

“Or at least, what is considered "married" in the state of Lousiana. It was his high school sweetheart,” Ori added

 

“And they were happy. Happiest couple I have ever seen. But then…..”

 

“6 months ago something happened….there was an accident…something happened with Fili, he was assaulted.”

 

“Sexually.”

 

“By someone we thought was a friend. Fili was okay, but it changed him. He was never the same after that night.”

 

“And his partner couldn’t handle what happened to him, because –you know—it doesn’t happen to men often. They didn’t understand, though he had cheated on him.”

 

“So he left him. Simple as that.” Ori finished his eyes grave.

 

“That was 3 months ago. And Fili, well, Fili hasn’t spoken a word since the accident.”

 

“So that’s what we wanted to tell you. Just so you were prepared for Friday.”

 

“He’s still a great guy, but he just doesn’t talk.” Ori finished.

 

They both looked up at me, waiting for a reaction, waiting for me to say something.

 

“Thank you for telling me,” I said

 

“Are you still going to go on the date?” Bilbo asked

 

“Because we think it would be really _really_ good for him to go,” Ori added

 

I nodded my head, “Yes, I’m still going to go. Any suggestions on what we might do?”

 

“No Karaoke,” Ori said at once.

 

“We tried that. It was a disaster.” Bilbo said.

 

“Maybe a movie, but nothing with romance. Or violence. Or sex.”

 

“Or swearing.”

 

“Or perilous moments”

 

“Or Las Vegas.”

 

“So that leaves documentaries. There’s a good one right now playing at the Fox that’s about the guy who created the windshield wiper. That would be perfect.” Bilbo said

 

“For making both of them fall into a coma,” Ori said, rolling his eyes.

 

“How does Fili communicate?” I asked

 

“What?”

 

“Well, if he doesn’t want to talk, he must communicate his wants and needs somehow. Does he write them down? Or sign them?” I asked

 

“He does best with yes or no questions---.”

 

“And he does this one thing with his hand…..like this……” then he put up his hand and moved it quickly forwards, then backward.

 

“It means “stop it”, he does it whenever someone tries to touch him, or get to close.”

 

“And when he wants to he’ll write down his answer on a piece of paper.”

 

“Sometimes he will text.”

 

“When he’s in the right mood,” Bilbo said

 

I nodded my head, “Okay. I can handle that.”

 

“Really?”

 

 

“Yeah. I don’t mind. I have an idea, actually.” I said, suddenly feeling a lot warmer towards Fili and our date on Friday night.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I was thinking, maybe he and I could meet at The Library. It’s a café off of Royal Street that is kinda like a library, there are books and a fireplace and everyone has to be quiet, we can text or write notes to each other. What do you think?”

 

Ori smiled, “I think it’s brilliant.”

 

“He doesn’t scare you?” Bilbo asked after a few beats.

 

I shook my head, “No. Not at all. It makes me sad his partner didn’t stay with him, it sounded like he really needed them, and they bailed.”

 

Bilbo nodded his head, “That’s what I think too. It was a sucky move, and now we have to pick up the pieces.”

 

“But we don’t mind, because he’s our friend and we want him to be happy again.”

 

“He didn’t deserve what happened to him. But it wasn’t his fault. Nobody is to blame but his attacker.” Ori said, and for the first time, the playful glint in his eye darkened.

 

“I agree. Anyway, that’s what we wanted to come to say. Here’s our card with our numbers. If the date goes well, and you want to see Fili again, call us and we can all go out.” Bilbo said

 

“And we will be nearby on Friday if you run into trouble.”

 

“Thank you, Ori and Bilbo. I appreciate it.” I said

 

“Really? It wasn’t weird?” Bilbo asked

 

“I thought it was kinda weird. But it was your idea, Bilbo.” Ori replied

 

“Don’t tell him we stopped by…or maybe do and his first words to us will be “you stupid idiots.””

 

“I only hope. Okay. Bye Kee”

 

“Bye”

 

They left, closing the door gently behind them.

 

 

The week went by, and between work, my mother badgering me on what I was going to wear, and me wondering what Fili would actually be like. All too soon, it was Friday night.

 

By accordance of our meddling mothers, Fili was picking me up at 7:00 pm and then we would drive to the café.

 

I had decided to wear my black t-shirt and tan pants. My mother thought it was too simple, but I kept telling her we were going to a café called The Library, not the grand ball. Besides, I didn’t want to put too much pressure on Silent Fili the first date by being too overdressed.

 

At 7:02, the doorbell rang. I saw my mom in the living room grinning wildly and holding a glass of wine.

 

“Mom?”

 

“Yes, honey?”

 

“Be cool, okay?”

 

She just smiled and made a motion for me to open the door.

 

I opened the door and was pleasantly surprised. Throughout the week, I had pictured Fili as a kind of Severus Snape/Sirius Black figure, with kind of a grudge, angsty sort of look, but Fili was nothing like Professor Snape or Sirius Black, in fact, he looked a little bit like Bradley Cooper, but with longer hair that was tied back in a bun. He looked a little nervous, but other than he was normal. I was suddenly very glad that his friends had stopped by and told me about him, or else I would have been very confused. I had been thinking a lot about how I was going to get through the date with him being mute, and finally, I had decided to just act normal, and let him take the lead.

 

“Hi. Fili?” I asked

 

He nodded his head, and then held up his right hand and finger spelled, “K-I-E-R-A-N” and pointed to me.

 

“Yes. That’s me. I’m Kieran, but most people just call me Kee…. Would you like to come in? I just need to grab my coat.” I said

 

He nodded and stepped inside. I quickly walked to the coat closet and grabbed my black coat, gave a thumbs up to my mom, and then headed back towards the door.

 

Fili was waiting patiently for me, hands in his pockets. He still looked a little nervous. I gave him an encouraging smile.

 

“Are you ready?” I asked

 

He nodded and gave me the thumbs up.

 

“Great.”

 

The drive over to the café was silent, but not in an awkward way. He had his Pandora station set to the Goo Goo Dolls, a band that I loved, so it was actually pleasant. I chatted a little bit about my day, but mostly enjoyed the ride and the music.

 

When we pulled into a spot at the café, I caught a glimpse of Bilbo and Ori not-so-subtly hiding behind a pole, watching us. Ori gave me a quick thumbs up before Bilbo pulled him out of the way. If Fili noticed his two friends, he ignored them. He turned the car off and smiled at me nervously.

 

I returned his smile.

 

“I hear their hot chocolate is fantastic. Some say even better than Café Du Monde.” I said.

 

He smiled and then motioned with his finger towards the café.

 

“Alright, let’s go,” I said

 

We walked silently over to the café. Fili’s hands were still in his pockets, his eyes (when not catching glances at me) were cast downwards.

 

The café wasn’t too crowded, light jazz played in the background but other than that it was quiet, accompanied by people emerged in books or on their laptops. This place was called The Library not only because of its large selection of books but also because of its quiet atmosphere. There was a “librarian” whose job was to maintain the silence and kick out anybody who was being too loud.

 

“I can order for us if you want to find a table,” I said quietly

 

He made a motion towards his wallet, but I shook my head and tapped my chest.

 

“My treat this time,” I said with a smile.

 

He smiled and signed “thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” I answered

 

I pointed to the menu, and then made the sign for “Drink”.

 

He took the menu and pointed to the hot chocolate. I nodded and made the sign for “okay”. Then he went to find a table and I ordered our drinks (two hot chocolates).

 

After I ordered, paid, and collected our drinks, I scanned the room for him and found him at a table tucked away by the fireplace. He saw me and waved. I walked over and set the drinks down at the table, handing him his drink.

 

I sat down and took a sip of my drink. He smiled uncertainly at me. He still seemed really nervous. I leaned down and took the notebook and pen out of my coat pocket. I had thought a while about how this first date would go, and decided to go the old-fashioned way; writing notes.

 

I opened up the notebook, flipped to the first page, took the pen and wrote “Hi.” Then flipped it over and passed it to Fili.

 

The moment he saw me writing, his face lite up into the first real smile I had seen all night. He wrote a sentence down, and then passed the notebook back to me. I took it and read:

 

_Hi Kili. How are you?_

 

I smiled, happy that he seemed to like my idea of passing notes back and forth. I quickly replied:

 

**I’m doing well, how are you?**

 

_I’m alright. To be honest, I was nervous about tonight, but this is a nice idea._

 

**Thanks. I was nervous too. It’s been awhile since I’ve gone on a date. I take it my mom told your mom about me?**

 

 _Yeah. Apparently, they know each other. Small world, isn’t it? She did tell me, I’m sorry that happened to you. Nobody should have to lose someone they love_ like _that. If it makes you feel better, something similar happened to me._

**It sucks, doesn’t it?**

 

_Yeah. So what do you do?_

 

**I write the crossword puzzles for the French Quarter Daily. Sometimes other articles, if they ask me too. What do you do?**

 

_I used to be head chef at Le Doux on Royal Street, but I don’t cook anymore. I do data entry at New Orleans News Studio now. My friends got me the job there._

 

**That sounds interesting. Do you like it?**

 

_It’s okay, for now, I guess. What kind of articles do you write?_

 

**Mostly little fluffy pieces, like last week they asked me to write an article about these two cats at the cemetery who fell in love and had kittens next to Nicholas Cage’s gravestone. Some people thought it was a voodoo curse.**

 

_Sounds fun. I may have read that one; I like cats._

 

**Me too! I have three at home, my parents weren’t too thrilled that the four us moved in at first but now they all love each other.**

_What are their names?_

 

**Well, there’s Zippity and DooDaa—they are brothers, and then there is Swagathor, my maine coon kitty.**

He read, and then laughed—a soft huffing noise.

 

_Those are interesting names for cats. How did you come up with them?_

 

**Well, Zippity and DooDaa came to me renamed, and by that point, they didn’t respond to anything else so their names stuck. Swagathor…..well…. I started calling him Swaggie as a joke, because of the way he kinda slinked into a room. Then over time, I added the “thor”. So now he is Swagathor, Lord of Swag.**

He laughed again, eyes sparkling in the dim room light. And I realized how young he really was. I thought about what Bilbo has said, about what happened to him and felt a pang of sympathy for him.

 

_That’s too funny. I’m glad I met you tonight, nobody has made me laugh in a long time._

 

**I’m glad I met you too, Fili**

 

The rest of our date went as planned. We finished our cocoa as we wrote back and forth. Several times I saw either Bilbo or Ori walk by, attempting to be stealthy and failing. Our date ended with the café announcing they were closing.

 

We walked back to his car, continuing our conversation with one-sided spoken sentences from me, and signs from him. He had relaxed little when I told him I knew some ASL—I had taken it as my language in high school. We drove to my house, and he walked me to the porch. I fumbled for my keys.

 

“Thank you, for a great night. I’m glad our mothers are such meddlers.” I said, smiling.

 

He smiled back shyly.

 

And then I did something that was both wildly romantic and hopelessly stupid; I tried to kiss Fili. The second I leaned forward he flinched away from me, taking a step backward and losing his balance. I grabbed his elbow, but just to steady him, and he cringed away from my touch and made the sign that Bilbo and Ori had shown me earlier, the sign that meant “stop it”. His breathing hitched, and his entire body seemed to freeze. His eyes, that only seconds ago were full of light and happiness were suddenly filled with fear.

 

“I'm sor--.” I started, but then he repeated the sign _stop it._

He crossed his arms over his chest, his breath still coming heavily. Then he quickly signed “Goodnight” and walked away towards his car, leaving me standing underneath the porch light alone.

 

888 ~~~~


	2. The Day After

I spent Saturday obsessing over the previous night. Half of me felt thrilled that I had met someone, the other half berating myself for acting so stupidly. What on earth was I thinking? Didn’t Ori and Bilbo tell me he didn’t want to be touched? Didn't they tell me he had been through enough pain and agony? How could I be so selfish? This always was a neverending circle of self-sabotage; I find something nice, love it too hard and end up breaking it. My mother seemed to sense that the date didn’t end well, so she gave me a little more space than usual. She probably wasn’t feeling the best either, with her Big Date Plan failing so miserably. She was so excited about it. I could just imagine how her conversation with Elaine went:

 

Mom: I have a gay son.

Elaine: I have a gay son.

Mom: OH MY GOD we both have gay sons.

Elaine: Let’s set them up on a date.

Mom and Elaine: Hip hip hooray!

 

Neither of them even thought of the emotional baggage we both carried with us. Maybe they didn’t want to think about it. I know I didn’t. I never let myself think about what happened to me, about what happened to Dean on that rainy night in LA. I shut my eyes, but that didn't stop the flood of memories surfacing up in my mind's eye; the body, the blood, the store clerk screaming....or maybe it was me screaming. I shook my head as if that would stop them. I couldn't do this.  I knew if I opened that door, and allowed myself to dwell back on the would haves and could haves, I would never be able to close it. I would burrow myself down into a hole of sadness and despair and never be able to surface again. So as hard as it was, I kept that door locked and sealed. There are some days where I felt so broken inside I couldn't even breath.

 

Of course, moving back in with my nosy, meddling, loving parents didn’t help much. They seemed to understand me at the level that yes, I had lost a person that I loved but that was it. They seemed to act like he had just gone on vacation, instead of being dead, and that someday I would return to my previous life in Los Angeles. I knew for a fact that I would never go back, not after what happened. I was doomed to stay in my old room forever, an old relic of my previous self.

 

Swagathor jumped onto my bed, purring loudly and demanding attention. Dean and I  had adopted him together, another painful reminder of the life I once had. I watched as he kneaded his way onto my lap and smiled despite my misery. Cats offered comfort humans couldn’t. I was very grateful for my three furballs, even though they were still quite angry at me for making them move halfway across the country and suddenly being forced to become indoor cats (alligators and cats don’t mix well). Zip and Doo Daa were hiding somewhere in the house, still convinced if they stayed under the bed they would wake up back in Los Angeles. Swaggie was the only one who seemed to be on speaking terms with me at the moment.

 

I felt a familiar pang of remorse in my heart as I remembered how Fili’s face had lit up into a smile when he read about Swagathor. His blue eyes had actually sparkled, and I couldn’t help but fall just a little bit for him. I winced again as the memory of Fili flinching away from me, and telling me to stop. What did he think of me? I hoped he didn’t think that I was someone who would hurt him. I remembered the way he smiled and immediately felt my heart warm. There was something about him that made me want to protect him, that made me want to make sure that he was happy in the end. I really wanted to see him again. I found myself wondering what his everyday life was like. Did he stop talking altogether or was it gradual? How did his parents react to it? Did he live at home or by himself? Bilbo had said that Fili hadn’t spoken since the accident—since he had been assaulted--, how long ago was that? I knew it had been three months since his partner left him, it must have been hard on him, having a partner that didn’t understand what he was going through. I remembered a few years ago I had been at a club in downtown Los Angeles. I just started seeing Dean---my partner—and we thought it would be a good idea. It turned out though, that somebody had slipped something in my drink and if Dean hadn’t been with me for the entire night, taking care of me and making sure I got home safely, anything could have happened to me. It had scared me, that one tiny slip could have turned the whole night into a nightmare and changed my life forever. Is that what happened to Fili?

 

I felt myself jump as my phone vibrated from underneath my pillow. Swaggie jumped too and stalked off, shooting me a look of disappointment before slinking underneath the bed. I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered anyway (a small part of me hoping that it was somehow Fili calling before I remembered that Fili wouldn’t call).

 

“Hello?” I said

 

“Hello? Kee? This is Bilbo.” A voice said

 

“And Ori.” a slightly quieter voice said in the background.

 

“Oh. Hey.” I said

 

“We just wanted to call, and ask how the date went last night.” Bilbo said.

 

I paused. Did they know, and was this a test? Did Fili tell them what happened? Should I lie and tell them it went great? After a few moments I sighed, and then I decided just to tell the truth.

 

“The beginning of the night was great, I really like Fili. But then I think I scared him away at the end. I may have been too forward.” I said.

 

There was a pause.

 

“Yeah, we figured something like that happened,” Bilbo said.

 

“That’s okay though. But all in all, you liked Fili and would see him again?” Ori asked.

 

“Yes. I mean, I would really like to.” I babbled.

 

“Great. That’s really great. Don’t worry about being too forward or whatever. With Fili you just have to go slow----.” Bilbo started

 

“He’s a little skittish right now----.” Ori added in.

 

“But once he gets to know you a little more, he’ll be fine.” Bilbo finished.

 

“We would like to invite you out to drinks with us on Monday night,” Bilbo said.

 

“Monday nights are Bar Nights,” Ori said.

 

“Fili will be there, of course. We try to get him out of the house because if he had it his way he would never leave and that’s not good for him. Tuesdays we have game night at Ori's house.” Bilbo said.

 

"And Wednesdays we go for a walk down by the river," Ori added.

 

"Did we decide what we do on Thursdays yet?" I heard Ori ask Bilbo in the background.

 

"Thursdays are Bar Night, part 2. And Fridays we try to go to the movies if something good is out." Bilbo explained.

 

"Anyway. Monday night, are you in?" Bilbo asked

 

“Okay, sure that sounds great,” I said

 

“That’s awesome. Great! We meet at May Bailey’s, the bar connected to the New Orleans Dauphine Hotel.” Bilbo said.

 

“The one that’s haunted?” I asked

 

“Which one isn’t haunted. It’s New Orleans.” Ori quipped. I laughed.

 

“At 7:00pm.” Bilbo added.

 

“That sounds great,” I said.

 

“Perfect, see you then Kee.”

 

“Okay, Bye.”

 

I hung up the phone and smiled, suddenly feeling like a teenage girl in one of those rom-com movies. Fili likes me and wants to see me again! The anchor of guilt in my chest gave way just a bit and I felt sudden relief that I didn’t totally ruin our date night with my stupid kiss. Monday night couldn’t come fast enough!

 

888


	3. Chapter 3

I somehow made it through the rest of the weekend and Monday, checking my watch every hour hoping that the time would go by just a little bit faster. I felt slightly high with the anticipation of seeing Fili again, and slightly nervous because this would be my first time going to a bar for a social gathering since the funeral. It was also first time going to a bar as a single man in almost three years, which was why I had spent almost an hour standing in front of the mirror trying to figure out what to wear. I ended up in my tan pants and a dark green sweater. It was still slightly chilly outside, the fall air slowly turning into winter as November flew by.

 

Due to my anticipation and anxiety, I arrived at May Bailey’s twenty minutes early. It was quiet and almost empty, not like the raging bars of Bourbon Street. I liked that it was quieter, we would actually be able to hear each other and the drinks wouldn’t be overpriced. I took my time walking around, taking in the antique paintings on the walls and trying to spot any paranormal activity. The ghosts must have been shy because I didn’t see any as I made my way to an empty table. Only ten minutes passed by until I saw Bilbo walk through the door. He scanned the room, saw me, nodded his head in acknowledgment and then motioned with his hand. I saw Ori walk in next and beside him a rather shy looking Fili who hesitated at the door. Bilbo motioned again and this time Fili stepped through, giving Bilbo a small smile. Bilbo said something to him I couldn’t hear, and then pointed in my direction. Fili looked over at me and our eyes locked. His smile brightened and he waved hello. I waved back. Bilbo made his way towards me.

 

“Hey Kee! Fancy meeting you here!” He said, and then embraced me in a hug.

 

“It’s good to see you again,” I said

 

Ori walked over, with Fili by his side. I noticed how Ori stayed to his left and slightly in front of him, and how he kept his movements smooth and slow.

 

“Hey Kee! I am so happy you made it.” Ori said with a smile.

 

Fili looked at me, gave me a quick smile and then pulled out his pen and notepad. He wrote a sentence or two and then passed it over to me. I took it and read:

 

_Hi Kee. I’m sorry for the way things ended on Friday night, it's not how I pictured our night ending. I’m glad to see you again._

 

I finished reading and looked up at him.

 

“It’s really good to see you again, I’m glad you came out,” I answered.

 

Fili smiled shyly and motioned for the notepad. I handed it back to him with my right hand. He took it, but paused and motioned like he was giving it back to me. I opened up both my hands and he tapped the notepad to my left hand and then took it back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ori pause and watch us, then smile. This must be one of the quirks he was talking about.

 

Fili passed the notepad back over to me, I took it and read:

 

_Can I buy you a drink?_

 

I smiled at Fili, “Yes, that would be lovely.”

 

I internally winced _would be lovely?_ Sometimes I say the weirdest stuff, especially when I am nervous. Fili didn’t seem to mind though, he reached over to the bar and grabbed one of the menus.

 

“Alright, Fili’s getting the first round!” Ori said, clapping his hand. Fili bit his lip and blushed slightly, then hands the menu to me. The menu was short and sweet, listing a number of red and white wines, then the beer that they had on tap. What I really wanted was a Pina Colada Rumchada, but that seemed a little bold. I pointed to the first beer I saw. Fili smiled.

 

“Do you want some help, Fee?” Ori asked

 

Fili shook his head and then walked up to the bartender. She smiled at him, and Kili thought that they knew each other. He watched as he pointed to the drinks on the menu. The bartender smiled and nodded, then started pouring the drinks.

 

Ori tapped me on the shoulder, “Come on, let’s go sit down.”

 

I nodded, then followed Bilbo and Ori over to a booth seat.

 

Bilbo sat down and smiled at me, “We are really glad you came out, Kili. It’s good to see you again.”  


I felt myself blush, “it’s good to see you too. It’s been a while since I've had people to hang out with.” I said.

 

“I just moved back home---here, from LA.” I added, hoping that I wasn’t coming across as too desperate or lonely.

 

“Did you write crosswords in LA too?” Ori asked

 

I shook my head, “In LA I was part of a graphic design team at a studio that made video games.”

 

“Really? That’s awesome!” Ori exclaimed, smiling at me.

 

“Yeah, but then real life hit me and I had to move back here. With my parents.” I said and then wince internally.

 

“There is no shame in that happening, trust me,” Bilbo said sincerely, putting his hand on his shoulder

 

“Thank you,” I said, and smiled.

 

Fili arrived with the drinks, and he passed them out one by one, and then he grabbed a chair and sat on the edge of the booth. He gave me a shy smile before taking a sip of his gin and tonic.

 

“So you wouldn’t believe our day today.” Ori began

 

“It was a crazy day.” Bilbo chimed in.

 

“It all started when we got the call that some Voodoo tribe out in the Bayou was slaughtering cats.”

 

“And we were like Awwww man. Not another cat massacre.”

 

“Why is it always cats? Why can’t they sacrifice something that we need less of, like rats or cockroaches.” Bilbo asked

 

“I don’t think the Voodoo gods like rats and cockroaches, I think they prefer cats. Tastier is my guess.” Ori answered.

 

“Anyway, so we got out there with all of our cameras and equipment and it ended up being a false lead.”

 

“Again.”

 

“There are no Voodoo tribes out in the Bayou sacrificing cats.”

 

“That’s ridiculous.”

 

They both smiled at me.

 

“Wow, that does sound like a crazy day,” I answered

 

A heard a small huff and turned to see that Fili was laughing. He smiled, shook his head and then wrote a sentence down on his notepad. He passed it over to me. I took it and read:

 

 _These guys are always making up stories to make their jobs sound cooler than it actually is. Today they interviewed a guy who claimed that he invented the toilet._  

 

I smiled, “The toilet? Like a specific one or just the idea of a toilet in general?”

 

“Hey! Fili! What did you tell him?” Ori said, and he reached to grab the pad of paper. He read it and then laughed.

 

“Here we are, trying to impress Kili and you ratted us out. Thanks a lot, Fili.” Ori said, but he was smiling. I got the sense that usually Fili didn’t say—or write—much during these hangouts.

 

Suddenly, outside a car backfired with a loud bang, making everyone—including myself—jump. I suppressed a shiver as a wave of memories hit me; Dean on the ground in a pool of blood, someone screaming, _Dean on the ground in a pool of blood,_ flashing red and blue lights, more screaming. I dug my nails into my palm. _Pull it together,_ I told myself. _You can’t have an attack now, not here._ But my body was already reacting. I could feel my legs shaking, and my chest shrinking. The air felt thick and stale, the air was like jello and I couldn’t inhale! _Relax, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, quick before they notice anything is wrong._ I told myself, but the more I tried to relax, the harder it became to control my breathing and quiet my body.

 

“Kili? You okay?” Ori’s voice asked, but it sounded far away. I wasn’t at the bar anymore, I was trapped at in the little 7/11 off Cloud Street watching the tile turn red and everyone was screaming.

 

“I------.” I started, but I couldn’t find my words

 

“Bathroom?” Bilbo suggested

 

I nodded my head.

 

“Do you want one of us to come with you?” Ori asked

 

I shook my head, and then my feet ran me to the bathroom.

 

Once I was inside the privacy of the stall, I sat down on the toilet and exhaled. My entire body was shaking, and I felt my face burning red. Why did this have to happen right now? When I'm with friends for the first time since LA?

 

After a few more minutes of hyperventilating, I saw a pair of black converse sneakers appear by the stall door. Then I heard a gentle knock. I took one more deep breath and then opened the door to find Fili looking at me.

 

“Hey Fili. I'm so sorry, I don’t know----.” But he cut me off by shaking his head. He smiled softly and then offered me his hand. I took it, and he pulled me to standing. He led me to the mirror and wet a paper napkin with his free hand. Carefully, he patted my face with it and I sighed at the instant relief of the cold water. He threw the napkin out and took my other hand, squeezing it softly. Our eyes met, and he smiled at me, then he pulled me into a hug.

 

And I knew then that everything was going to be okay.


End file.
